whoa, friday, settle down, will you.

i was a cub scout. i was a ‘tiger cub,’ a ‘wolf cub’, a ‘bear cub’, and a ‘webelos scout. ‘ webelos, according to the internet, is a really stupid ‘kind-of-acronym’ for “we’ll be loyal scouts.” knowing that makes me kind of regret┬áparticipating. anyway, when i was about to go to middle school (6th grade, 11-12 years old), i moved up to the actual “boy scouts.” now that i think about it, “boy scouts” might be a ‘kind-of-acronym’ for “boy this sure is a lot of fucking work.” i ‘bowed out’ at that point and selflessly devoted my free time for the next few years to hard drugs and prostitution.

anyway. all i remember from webelos is one camping trip where i fell and hit my head on a rock and got a concussion and started ‘totally barfing everywhere,’ and another camping trip where i got heat exhaustion and ate a ‘nasty old hot dog’ and started ‘totally barfing everywhere.’

were you ever in a right-wing youth indoctrination program, or any other ‘outdoorsy’ group? i kind of wish that i had been in ‘camp fire boys and girls’ instead, because there were girls there, and girls would have made knot-tying way the fuck more interesting. there is a marriage (and/or bondage) joke in there somewhere that i am not going to bother to pry out.

well, i am off to think for a while about where i would be if i did not know how to tie a bowline knot (king of knots) or a square knot (rockstar of knots) or a granny knot (laughing stock of knots). i wanted to make a joke here using the expression “tie one on,” but they all came out┬ástupid. may your weekend be better for having narrowly avoided reading two lame-ass jokes.